Therapy Thursday

Like many couples, my husband and I would both like learn how to communicate more effectively with each other. As I mentioned in my confessions, I need to learn how to control my anger (not in general everyday life as I tend not to be an angry person for no reason, but rather in arguments). When I want to talk to my husband about my wants, my feelings, or something that is upsetting me, I start off calm and I mean to remain so. The difficulty is that my husband is not as comfortable with relationship talks and can sometimes pull away and not be open to talking to me. I realize he is not as comfortable as me but when he retreats and tells me that he does not want to talk about it and keeps putting the issues off, I start to build up resentments because I cannot get my feelings out. So, when we start a conversation at a later time, those resentments are there and when I see him retreating, I get angered more easily.

I am not quite sure how to deal with this. I would like to not hold on to previous anger and just deal with things in the present time. But how is that possible? I feel that my husband would like me to forget any previous “issues” we have had and not bring them into the conversations we have now, but how can you not be affected by the way things have happened before if they have not been resolved? How can we find a way to talk constructively (which for me means not getting angry and for him, not retreating and thinking that I am trying to criticize?). I think this is one of the hardest parts of marriage. Luckily, I have a husband who is open to working things out and I think we can find ways to improve our communication. Our relationship overall is pretty darn great, but I know that it I am going to have to make some changes within myself and not just expect him to...and I am going to give it my all, so we don’t keep going in circles.